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- Fundraising for The Outsiders Trust (Charity Registration No. 283350). BCM Box Lovely, London WC1N 3XX.
The evening was saucily warm, the show sold out, and the venue perfect for the 12th Erotic Awards SHOWCASE. Hoxton Hall dates back to 1863, and has been used as a music hall and theatre continuously since then. Its tiered stage, draped in red, begs voluptuousness and vulgarity, with balconies ripe for catcalls.
It was a night of fabulous blurring of genres, demonstrating how hard performers are working to create revolutionary new acts. The line-up was extremely impressive, complemented perfectly by our MC, the unstoppable and brilliant Mat Fraser who, while bending over, purportedly to test the stage's Angle Of Indecency, obliged us with a most delightful view of his arse.
First up on stage was Miss GI G-Spot from Edinburgh; blonde, curvy, and raunchy in military get-up and fuck-you attitude. Not afraid to get down-and-dirty, she showed us her pink vulva wide-spread over her bosoms in a double bend, and ended her set in a flurry of bubbles.
Next came camp crusty Shamina. With DMs and a curly mohican, he threw himself around the stage, up the pole and across the ceiling and beyond, with only a chiffon scarf twined through his nipple rings for protection.
I'm-a-Doll came on all girly-cute at first, an American sweetheart, soon becoming a muscular creature, hanging horizontally from the pole by her arms. Pole dance professor, athlete and circus act, her strength was hard to beat and worthy of an Olympic category in its own right.
Snake Boy, Indian male belly-dancer-extraordinaire, just turned 18 (having been learning the art since he was eight), was a great hit with his confident smile, vibrating hips, tinkling coins and splits sublime. He was reminiscent of the young boy erotic dancers of the Pathan people of the North West Frontier.
The gorgeous Miss Lily White took us into elegant burlesque-land, arriving in her polite Edwardian outfit which soon concealed a very intimate relationship with her rocking horse, and eventually came off to reveal saucy split-crotch pantaloons and naughty nipple tassels.
If that wasn't enough thrills for the first half, then came Lightning, the bouncing Eurocasual complete with little tache and 80s leisurewear, who gave us a strip-workout worthy of any Fame sequence.
And then - drum roll - came our very own effervescent and eternally young Tuppy Owens, with her long-awaited 60th birthday strip. Like Hoxton Hall itself, Tuppy is the genuine article, with all her original features! While she twirled and undressed from on high, to Dr Busker's lyrics Wee Willie Wankie, a spoof of Scotland the Brave, the stage below gradually filled with dancing kilts, ghillies with fourteen-foot cocks and a woman with one breast, who carried her across the stage to great and deserved applause. A sublime and priceless end to the first half! (Not to mention the jewelled butt plug...)
Eager for more, we took our seats after the interval. First off was Al Batross, 'queer tease on the trapeze', who, with strength and poise, defied gravity as she came out of her gold spacesuit, swinging above the stage. There was something spiritual and meaningful about her strip, as clothing and rubber tape were peeled from her body by gentle and caring fledglings.
Next up was a charming English/Scottish cheerleading contest: Tanya Cheeks v Gypsy Charm. It evolved into the now-expected flagrancy, and introduced the night's audience participation - bidding for a table dance, all proceeds to Outsiders. Two tables bid against each other, and one of them was the judges' table - as if they hadn't had enough fantastic displays of sex for one night!
Painted Lady, last year's Stripper of the Year, treated us to a good old fashioned charming burlesque, taking her time deliciously, with Marilyn Monroe urging her on in the background. Slowly and seductively, the polka-dot dress came off, while she blew kisses to a framed photo of her boyfriend, and danced to the record on her ancient gramophone.
The night wouldn't have been complete without a traditional pole dancer. Chiqui, dressed as Superwoman, complete with red boots, saved a lady in her act from almost certain violation before climbing the pole and treating us to a straight-up and professional sexy workout.
Gypsy Charm, feline and pretty with the sinewy body of a trained dancer, sneaked onto the stage in a detective's trenchcoat, and then took us through some very graceful and hot moves, multiple piercings jingling away between her legs. An expert at all levels, Gypsy is currently doing a PhD in Erotic Dance at Edinburgh University!
By popular demand, Snake Boy was back, in the guise of Mr Vibrator. This time he went among the audience and made us very hot and horny indeed, even the straight blokes!
Finally, Topping and Butch, cabaret artistes in full red latex getups, gave us a comic song to remind us that there is humour in all forms of sexuality. If we can't laugh at ourselves, what are we?
All in all, a great night that heralded the delights awaiting us at the 2005 Erotic Awards Finals at the Night of the Senses on 3rd September.
The Erotic Awards would like to thank Mat Fraser, for his MCing; Wild Cherry for feeding guests with tasty food throughout the evening; Tulloch for the stage management, and his hard working crew, (including Eloise, Tuppy's niece from Tasmania), and everyone who took care of the guests (headed by our new sales lady Gilly from Yeovil). Special thanks to Solitaire for her delicious lap dances.
For the fabulous prizes in the draw, big thanks to Hedonism for supplying two tickets to their no-holds-barred resort in Jamaica; Banana Travel (Dare2Travel) for the flights; MiSu for the fabulous precious metal and bejewelled cock rings; and Seventh Sense for the massage oil.
Thanks to everyone who worked free of charge to raise money for Outsiders, to the charity's Patrons and their endless support, and above all, a big hand to everyone who got up on stage, and made it such a top quality night.
In summing up, Mat Fraser lamented how the rest of the world was missing out by not being with us for the show.
"But no," he declared, "we are The World."
