Our Mascot
The book defines the etiquette required to ensure everybody has a good time. It works: we’ve hardly had any trouble for years, and people really enjoy themselves. Our 150 volunteers are all working to give you a good time so make the most of us!
Our stewards are there for your happiness and safety in every arch of the club, and monitoring the entrances of the tents, so let them know if anything is bothering you. Vivi, Julia and Ice on the Hospitality Desk are also happy to hear about any snags you’re encountering. We also have the Tea and Empathy Tent for guests who want to chat about the night.
Etiquette
• Relax and don’t feel pressurised to do anything you don’t feel like doing — it’s OK to stand and smile
• “No” means “No”. Never touch without asking first or being invited
• Leave your camera and phone in the cloakroom — they will be confiscated if we see you using them
• Safer Activities Only
• Tell a steward if someone is behaving disrespectfully immediately. Don’t wait till they’ve wondered off, or complain the next day.
Dressing Up
Dressing up transforms you from an ordinary morsel to a spectacle, and spectacles tend to have a better time and also behave with more decorum. We thus insist on dressing up. If you are wearing street clothes, a steward will direct you to the Dressing Up Shoppe where you can purchase a garment and get changed in the Changing Room. If you don’t get dressed up, you will be asked to leave.
What to Bring
Please bring some cash to use at the side-shows and purchase drinks and dinner. But don’t bring wads of money, or wear expensive jewellery which could get lost during passionate embraces.
Coming Alone
Both men and women may come to the Night of the Senses on their own, because many of us don’t have friends who accept our sexual tastes and the Ball is the only place where we can really be ourselves. Here are some tips:
• Ensure your aura is generous rather than needy
• Offer to help others enjoy themselves rather than expect instant flirtation
• Never be pushy or follow people around. Learn how to walk away.
• Explore your own potential and enjoy the night!
Fetishes
The Night of the Senses caters to many fetishes and we are happy to create a corner especially for yours — just write in and ask.
Bodies
At the Night of the Senses we welcome disabled people who are encouraged to enjoy erotic adventures alongside the other guests without stigma. This includes people who are visually impaired, wheelchair users, people who may get too tired to stand for long periods and people who find socialising difficult. Here are some guidelines for people who are not accustomed to mixing with people who have disabilities:-
• Treat people with disabilities like everybody else
• Engaging in conversations without asking probing questions
• Respect the space above the wheelchair user’s head; and that wheelchair users do not like being trapped in a crush of people; or have their view of the stage blocked
• Don’t make assumptions: some people with cerebral palsy may be wobbly, not drunk. If unsure about how to cope with their impairment, ask.
• If a disabled person looks stuck, ask before trying to help.
Now, here is the book in full:
Little Book of Delights
FOR THE NIGHT OF THE SENSES 2011
Providing information, advice and etiquette guidelines
so that everyone feels respected, relaxed and horny
Disclaimer The Leydig Trust and our advisers do not advocate the breaking of the law. The material herein is presented as information which should be available to the public and is for educational purposes. The Leydig Trust and the compiler of this document cannot be held liable for people who carry out any of the activities reported on or in this publication.
Introduction
This booklet is to help you to arrive fully prepared for an incredible night, so you can relax and feel playful and sexy, receptive to the atmosphere of bonhomie and openness
We try to cover all the various aspects of the night, including the guests, who may be very different to you and your friends. It is sexually dynamic when singles, couples, groups and entire clubs from very different backgrounds and parts of the planet, make new erotic links, bonds and understandings. If you have not been to one of our events before, you may be surprised at the diverse range of people. Some might not look like much, but seem to be having fun, and others who look gorgeous may be having no fun at all.
Outer looks and being experienced at one thing or another can sometimes prevent people from getting into the swing of things or even trying new things. Our Ball is female-friendly and shy-person-friendly. The event works best when women and shy men feel brave enough to ask for whatever you fancy. When you find a listening and eager ear, everyone benefits. This book aims to encourage such confidence and takes you step-by-step through the night.
Good luck and best wishes for a wonderful, memorable time. Please be kind enough to let us know how it was for you!
Who we are
The Night of the Senses is run by a group of sexual adventurers who enjoy creating a wonderful space for others to explore, at the same time raising funds for the Outsiders charity – “for enthusiasts, by enthusiasts”, unlike the commercial clubs that tend to feel comparatively soul-less. Our founder/ director, Tuppy Owens, flies down from the Highlands of Scotland to plot, scrounge and train the volunteers. She hires an articulated lorry to bring the props from a farm in Somersetl. The build-up is quite incredible, with a group of volunteers promoting tickets, Tony keeping the website spic and span, and the volunteers assembling from all over the country. This coming-together of lustful enthusiasm makes the event feel so special. The Ball evolves each year as we dream up ingenious new ways of encouraging people to explore sexual pleasure. We always listen to the feedback from previous years and aim to stay fresh and experimental. We know the tickets are pricey but our expenses are enormous, hiring one of the largest venues in London and making it look, smell and feel lovely. Well, it’s not The Ritz but it’s funky, and the entire event has a homespun feel – very personal, caring and fun. We hope you like us. We work very hard on a voluntary basis and need to know that Outsiders gets a fat cheque at the end of it all. That side of things is up to your generosity – both by spreading the word on your blogs and online social networking (we’re may not advertise) encouraging your friends to come along and helping fill our collection tins.
The 24th Night of the Senses
This is our 24th Anniversary and we plan to make it the most incredible night ever, bringing back our most amazing performers and stars and providing new extravagances. Guests start arriving at 8pm and keep arriving till very late. Some turn into pumpkins at midnight, while others never want to leave.
The night starts with the Erotic Awards Winners receiving their golden flying penis trophies, followed by a sexy show of performance and fashion. Then guests move from the auditorium into the Ball in a horny state, in no need for warming up! Some guests who do not want to see the show arrive at 9pm and plunge straight in. A reminder, however turned on you are, never feel hurried or any pressure to do anything other than stand there smiling — take it easy and go at your own pace. Viv, Julia and Ice at the Hospitality Desk are there to answer any questions and tell you where things are. If you are feeling unsure, thy can point you to volunteer SLAGs who can take you around and explain all the treats. Trained stewards are available to help anybody who is feeling uncomfortable, put-off, disorientated or overwhelmed. You can sit down and just chill out, purchase drinks at the various bars and enjoy dining in the Courtyard. You will not come across an event quite like this. We really want you to explore and fulfil your fantasies rather than moan two weeks later that you were too timid! You will have a much better time if you look (and thus feel) fabulous. That is one of the many reasons to dress up.
Dressing Up
Dress up, after all, you are the stars of the night
Show off your best bits with style and blatant exhibitionism.
Arrive dressed as your most voluptuous fantasy
not looking anything like your ordinary self
This is the one event you can wear the clothes that you have always dreamed of wearing, so go for it! Our theme is “The Triumph of Sex in a Hostile world.” Think 17th Century Versailles, Pierrot Clowns, Ethnic Wrestlers, Floaty, See-Through, Libyan Rebels; Rude Animals; All-Black Outfits. Try Sohigh Soho basement full of reasonably priced sexy outfits and Prangsta Costumiers hire & purchase 20% of for Ball guests. See our shop list or http://www.prangsta.co.uk. As a final resort, use our Dressing Up Shoppe (and changing room) at venue. We welcome the currently fashionable sensual and flowing silks, satins and chiffon. We encourage see-through and slits. We love guests who arrive in rich colours and sparkles. We accept fancy dress, fetish clothing, goth, baby-doll, etc.
Dressing up transports us from our ordinary, everyday selves into a fantasy persona. This means a lot to most of us but not everyone. Once you give it a try, you’ll notice that people will all-of-a-sudden, look at you with wide eyes, propelling you into an ecstatic state, so that you float around in a haze instead of feeling invisible (and spending most of the night propping up the bar or off your face). Plus, experience has proved to us that people who are dressed up generally behave like participants rather than predators. Our “no street clothes” policy means NO suits, NO T shirts or jeans, and NO day wear. You will not be allowed inside the Ball in these or dressed in clothes which are plain, humdrum or unsexy. Those who do sneak in are stopped in their tracks, and asked to go to the Dressing-Up Shoppe to get into dress code, or else leave. Our Dressing-Up Shoppe, changing room and secure cloakrooms are there for your convenience. So, if you are short of time or ideas, you can get dressed up by our costumiers.
The prices are very reasonable. Once you are dressed up, you’ll become part of the erotic spectacle and be delighted to find that others will be turned on by your appearance. You can create a “different” image as a disguise, especially if you are afraid of being recognised – (see Photography) or to make yourself look more mysterious. Soft silky fabrics can make you feel slinky and sensual. Big skirts can make you feel swirly and fluffy pompoms make you feel cuddly. Find the part of you which needs more encouragement and dress to bring that side out. Switching from what we normally wear can be empowering – a sarong instead of trousers, a velvet cape instead of a jacket, lace instead of leather, exposing instead of covering.
Dressing up can be an expression of a fantasy that is personal to each individual. What do you look like in your fantasies? Ask your partner/friends/ lovers or ex-lovers how they would like to see you or have you seen by others. Once you have worked out an image or general idea, it is time to decide how to create it.
Creating your outfit Before you go to any expense look in the back of your wardrobe — or your parent’s wardrobe! Ask around — a friend might lend you the perfect outfit. Dressing up as a historical character e.g. Salome, Puck, Lady Godiva, Casanova, Barbarella, draping yourself in a fabulous robe, or wearing your sexiest lingerie can be a great transformation. And it is a night you really can be as bare as you dare! Another option is a shopping spree at a fetish shop, fetish market, fancy dress store, flea market or charity shop. Our ticket outlets are obvious places to purchase a costume, with enthusiastic assistants to help and say what looks sexy. The more effort and thought you put into your costume the more fun you will have, so long as you feel comfortable. You can sometimes find suitable garments in charity shops, and adapt them to make them more daring, or decorate them to make them totally original. For example: a corset covered with flowers and Liquid Latex; pantaloons with a slit lined with coloured netting; a mask decorated with sequins and feathers; boots with spurs. Don’t assume that everyone is just in fancy dress. Some people dress for their own fetishistic pleasure. There may be fur fetishists wearing fur, or naturists with no clothes, adult babies, someone encased in rubber. Remember to be respectful and tolerant, The only thing we do not accept is racist symbols, which are obviously offensive. And we hate to hear about people being really uncomfortable all night – slippers can be sexy! The Night of the Senses is not a place where people compete to wear the latest fashion or most expensive garment. Plus, we would rather you give your precious money to our charity than spend it on ostentation! Creating your own outfit is a act of self expression which adds to the home-grown nature of the night. Take some photos of yourselves before you set off, as a record of how wonderful you looked before everything kicked off! You will get another chance to be photographed in your naughtiness in our photo booth if you wish.
The 16th Erotic Awards
The Erotic Awards have been part of the Ball since 1994. We honour people who choose to work in the world of sexuality and are currently excelling, often setting trends. Some of these people may have been ignored or trashed by the media and society, and are totally thrilled to be awarded. This creates an atmosphere of great excitement. Our Grand Jury for Conspicuous Sexuality meets several times a year to consider all nominees, select finalists and eventually decide on the winners. We aim to strike a balance between the commercial and home-grown, hetero, gay, bi and transgendered, the famous and unknown. Three finalists are selected in each category, and whoever wins creates a wonderful climax. The Awards show begins at 8.30pm, and in order see this fabulous show, please arrive in good time to get a seat, as viewing is limited, and seating is on a first come first serve basis.
The Golden Flying Penis Trophies, hand carved for us in Bali, are presented to the winners. These presentations take place before the show in alphabetical order of the category. The winning performers are presented at the end of the show. The three finalists of each category are grandly showcased on our website www.erotic-awards.co.uk, and displayed in the Gallery at the Ball.
The Ambiance
The Night of the Senses is a voyage of sexual adventure, originally inspired by Fellini’s film Juliette of the Spirits, where a “little housewife” enters an incredible erotic fantasy world. The ambiance mimics the film in being somewhat innocent and playful. You will see people who are obviously new to all this, and those who are more experienced, mingling with young and old, disabled and all genders, all happily sharing stories and fun. The winners of the Erotic Awards step off the stage in infectious jubilence, clutching their Golden Flying Penis trophies. Guests are soon swept up in the swing of the night, carried away by the spirit, and laughing at how marvelous it feels to be surrounded sexy people like themselves from all over the world. We pay attention to detail and our guests’ comfort. The club is kept very warm. Sounds are never deafening, minstrels playing in the entrance and in the Sensuality Chamber, enhancing each room. Smoking is allowed in the Courtyard,
Our 2010 Striptease Artist, the thalidomide campaigner, Mikey Argy will be there to greet you at the door. The Hostesses and Peacekeepers are there to look after everyone in a fun and friendly way.
Our Guests
One guest observed, “This is a very special crowd – way more interesting that the usual fetish or swing scene. Your guests are particular and have erotic charisma. Their shared concern is that they cannot wait another year for the next one!”
So many different People We do attract a fun-loving, outrageous, gregarious crowd, eager to see new things and perhaps find new friends. Young lovers in their late teens mingle with sex-mad-neverstop-hippies, unemployed people who have all the time in the world to make love, millionaires with equal time-potentials, artists with artisans, experimentalists and people expressing many sexualities and genders. Some are voyeurs and exhibitionists, some ordinary, some extraordinary people. Unlike most other charity balls, we revere humility: there is no kudos in posing, relying on good looks, or being rich and famous, and showing off how much money you donate.
This means we do not have the usual Charity Ball fund-raising capacity, so please appreciate this and try to give generously
in our collecting tins while you are having a good time (or send for a covenant form later). We encourage those who have never dared to express their sexual tastes publicly before, especially if their tastes are unusual.
Night of the Senses Community Attending the Night of the Senses makes our guests feel like the Super-Sexy People.
The naughty memories and thoughts that linger through their minds afterwards, light up their faces on a daily basis and make them look more attractive. The Night of the Senses keeps our guests youthful. Our amazing guests bond and share their sexual explorations through our website, blogs and online social networking, organically reaching out and attracting others to attend the Ball. Because the charity relies on the Night of the Senses to fund them, everybody knows how important it is to sell more tickets and our guests want to be part of creating this success. We hope you will do too, and link to other guests via the Night of the Senses website, promote the Ball online, and recommend it in your blogs.
Disabled Guests This event prides itself as being disability friendly even though some of this year’s venue is sadly not wheelchair accessible. Our guests appreciate being at a charity night where some of the people their money is going to benefit are actually also attending, and being treated as equals.
Coming in a group, with a friend, as a couple or alone
Most people come along with friends and lovers in a crowd. But many come as couples or alone. You may have noticed that we encourage odd numbers, being perverse, encouraging individuality and bringing new people in who might otherwise be left out. Please try to bring other people who would be really thrilled to be invited.
Bringing other people along Do not try to drag people along who are not really into it, but don’t make assumptions. Show your friends the flyer to let them make up their own minds. Never bring someone along who has no idea what the event is about. Do not pay a professional escort or sex worker to come unless they are really happy about getting into the spirit of things.
Best of all, bring someone who perhaps hasn’t yet mustered up the courage to come before, but is delighted to be invited.
The hot date / lover Coming to the Ball with a lover/s you are currently having hot sex with can be incredible, perhaps even more so if there’s more than two of you!
Shall we stick together? If you are with your lover/s, do not cramp each other’s style/s by hanging onto each other — but be sensitive to each other’s insecurities. Some want to experience the event together but once again, don’t make assumptions if you do not have such an agreement. It helps to arrive with a defined agenda. It could be very simple, such as he likes to watch her being adored, or she enjoys getting into a threesome so she can enjoy another woman (and turn him on in the process). Your scenario may be adapted on the night if you both agree. Some couples and groups of friends do everything together, some benefit from short or long periods apart to experiment. Some people have the best times in a group whilst others like to wander off and check back later. Whatever you decide, this is best discussed beforehand, so you can fulfil your dreams without upsetting your partner and friends.
Our Venue
is a huge, confusing maze, so we beg you, if you split up and plan to meet up later, make it clear when and where. If all else fails, leave messages for each other at the Hospitality Desk. Maps will be pinned on the walls in prominent places. Use the map to help you decide on a place and time to meet up. Stewards and hosts/ hostesses will be carrying maps and wearing watches if you come without one.
Coming alone Some people decide to come alone. You may feel this is the only place you can truly be yourself and express your desires. Many of our guests feel this way.
If you come alone with the hope of finding a sexually liberated partner or someone for a wild fling, we wish you all the luck in the world but you may like to take note of this advice. Admittedly, many have just happened to be in the right place at the right time and fallen into the arms of a gorgeous stranger and their lives have been changed from that moment. This has happened quite often to people who least expected it. If you are not being that lucky, watch out for people who send erotic looks in your direction – if they look interested in you, be sure to make the most of it! Until this happens make sure the vibes you give out are generous rather than needy. When someone talks to you with friendly interest, suggest you help them find the pleasures they crave before making any requests. Flirt and be saucy, but never pushy. Nobody reacts well to being pushed or followed. The more you push, the more they will resist and find you repulsive. Learn how to walk away. Try not to feel bad about being alone – we have all been there – think of it as being free! The most important thing is to be open to possibilities and stick to your own principles. Never appear desperate. Work on broadening your horizons and exploring you own potential. Having said that, cute young things may find yourselves inundated with attention, whereas less cute folk, sadly, may have less choice. All the more reason to take the trouble to get dressed up and to be sexually inspiring. Bring some your wildest (and perhaps uncute) friends along too, to provide more fun for everyone.
Photography
We are aware that many of our guests need to feel absolutely sure that they will not be photographed and their identity at the Ball is secure. Your wishes will be respected. We are keeping photographers down to a minimum, one inside the Garden of The Senses Photo Booth, Official photographers and film makers wear red photographer’s sashes. They may be filming Awards finalists who have previously given permission, and they do not have permission to take photographs of anybody else. Any crew is always accompanied by one of our staff to ensure they don’t film anyone who has not agreed to it. They are not allowed to wander around on their own filming guests — so fetch a steward if you see anyone doing so. If your career might be affected or family disrupted because of your face being seen in photos or on TV, then don’t get on the stage or pose in front of the cameras. If you have any worries about having been caught on camera, inform the stewards, hosts or hostesses, and we will ensure that no pictures of you are ever published or films shown publicly. There is absolutely no obligation to be photographed. Indicate that you do not wish to be shot if film-makers or photographers are shooting nearby. To those of you who allow yourselves to be filmed and photographed for us to use in publicity – thank you. If you want a record of yourselves – go to the photo booth, where takings go to the charity. Some guests kindly give permission for us to use the photographs for publicity purposes, and on our website. Guests are not permitted to take photos or film the event, Your camera will be removed and returned to you at the end of the night minus the film/tape/disc/memory card.
What to bring & what to expect
What should I bring? You do not need wads of money or the status of wearing expensive accessories. You just need a few pound coins to enjoy the side-shows, some cash to buy drinks and a meal if you feel hungry, condoms just in case, and spectacles if you need them. Then you should have stashed away enough money to get home or wherever you might be going next. Mobile phones are not allowed. Guests feel uncomfortable seeing them in use, for they probably have camera attachments. So please leave yours at home for the night, or check it into the secure cloakroom with the rest of your belongings. You cannot bring it into the event. Bring a small bag or purse for cash you’ll need on the night, and leave everything else in the cloakroom. Please do not carry or wear anything of sentimental or financial value, as you might get carried away and lose it while your attention is elsewhere. Losing something precious puts a real dampener on the night.
Lost Property and First Aid If you lose items during the night please notify our hosts at the hospitality desk. Afterwards, do contact us, as we try to return all lost property. The hostesses at the Hospitality Desk look after found items and can advise you where First Aid is kept. The venue have their own paramedic.
Is this your first time? At this event, what you will see is people laughing, chatting, dancing and being saucy. We provide an arena for your fantasies where you can mingle, peep at, dip in or fling yourself into the pleasures around – anything that you desire. This is so long as you are not grabbing at or intruding on people who have not consented to your attentions. Just as you do not want to be pounced on or get unwanted attention, be respectful of people’s boundaries. Don’t be shy about communicating your desires and needs, but double-check verbally to ensure you’re not pushing yourself on people or pushing anyone into situations they may regret. We do everything we can to provide a safe environment and one of the reasons for this booklet is to encourage people to feel secure about stating what you want and what you don’t want, in a really nice way. Be prepared to be amazed if you have never been to anything like this before, but don’t be scared or feel threatened. Repressed people tend to take it out on others, but we trust you to behave in a civilised manner. It is a real shame when newcomers are timid of the things you would most love to happen in their lifetime. If you don’t feel experienced or brave enough to explore, we provide Fantasy Tours Guides to take you around, to introduce you and encourage you to enjoy the treats in store. Some new guests worry that they might be out of their depth or expected to do things they’re not into. Sexual pleasure is a moveable feast for most people. We may think we know what we like and dislike until we try, and every time we try, we may feel differently. Many of us terrified of what we may end up enjoying, but living in terror is no good. Open your minds to become pleasantly surprised.
Is this your second time? The first time you attend the Night of the Senses can be quite mind blowing and it may take weeks for everything to sink in. By that time it may all be a purple haze. Your memory of the night may grow out of proportion and you many second timers arrive with expectations beyond all possibilities, and then feel disappointed. Please don’t let this happen to you. Channel your energies into exploring new horizons, creating more pleasure and helping to create happy experiences for newcomers. Some guests are still coming back after their first visit in 1986 (perhaps now enjoying half price because of their age). They have learned how to arrive each time with an open mind, determined to make the most of whatever they encounter. Never expect it to be the same each time. Obviously the more friendly you are, the more erotic your experience will be. We appreciate the good spirit which most guests bring along. Thank you.
My fear is that there is sex going on everywhereMost of the fun you’ll see is various levels of fantasy play, flirtation and excitement. Most people come to soak up the atmosphere, enjoy the dancing and peeping and playing around.
My fear is I will be expected to do things This is a place to explore. We just want you to have a good time and we got to a lot of trouble to ensure you do. We don’t want you to sit in a corner all night, being too timid to try things out. If you go home without enjoying yourself, you will be bitterly disappointed with yourself afterwards. Don’t drink too much in the hope of loosening your inhibitions, but find your own way of letting go. Have a laugh with as many people as possible, with a generous heart. Some people find the best way to enjoy themselves is to set yourself erotic goals. This might be showing off your best bits, looking dom or sub, playing with anonymous people on the side-shows, or contributing to an erotic scenario with somebody or a group of people who welcome you. Couples may decide between themselves whether to simply relax into the fun or set out to enact their fantasies. These can be very simple things like being led around by your partner as a pet, to exposing beautiful protuberances to other guests or sharing an embrace. More sophisticated scenarios may require dramatic skill, rehearsals and props, and — please feel free!
I don’t look young and gorgeous You don’t need to be young or gorgeous but you will enjoy the night more if you make the effort to look as attractive as possible. If you are feeling a bit left out, step inside the Grope Box or the cage to enjoy the thrill of fingers touching you. Visit the Dressing Up Shope and request a make-over of sparkle and fanciness.
Will I have sex? Although this event is very sexy, it’s mainly erotic play, exhibitionism, voyeurism and experimentalism.
If you’re looking for a brothel situation, this is not it.
Getting Into the Ethos of the Night We provide a great place for guests to discover what turns you on most, make new sexy friends, gain entry to an erotic community and even find yourselves at the inception of new erotic trends. Please appreciate these opportunities and act with dignity. Selfishly seeking kicks or simply hoping to get your rocks off is not appropriate. Never push, grope or intrude, as other guests may complain and you will get thrown out. To make the most of this event, please remember that if things are not played two-way, it is unfair on the other person. Never touch another person just because they are dressed provocatively. If they expose their flesh, it is for your eyes not your fingers (unless they are inviting strangers to touch). Be respectful and admiring. Our volunteers try not to pester people for cash at the side-shows but please be generous. It is disheartening for volunteers who are working all night to give you fun, if you never show your appreciation by putting a few quid in the collecting boxes. The charity relies on your donations because the ticket price usually only covers the costs. All this money goes to Outsiders, so it is all for a good cause. The charity is currently more than ever in need of funds to help it with its work and every little really helps. The next section will tell you more about Outsiders and lots of interesting aspects of socialising in an erotic setting with people whose bodies may be unlike yours.
Bodies
We at the Night of the Senses know that beauty does not mean sexy, and vice versa. Although there is no denying that people love looking at fabulous bodies, we also like looking at all the other kinds of bodies as well, and recognise that true beauty is beyond skin deep. If true beauty is within, how-come disabled people get rejected more than non-disabled people? Disabled people have become better integrated into society, so it seems doubly cruel that they get increasingly shunned when it comes to sex and relationships. Too many people these days seem to worry what friends and family might think when they select partners, and reject anyone who does not have a fit and near-perfect body (plus a good job and money in the bank). Outsiders aims to redress the balance, and The Night of the Senses chooses to share our frivolities and passions with disabled guests. Most of us still have much to learn about all the various types of disability and how it feels to be at a big event when you cannot see, hear or walk or even feel, and know that your body is unlike most other people’s. Disabled people have to be ingenious to ensure their pleasures are not inhibited by other people’s ignorance. This chapter is an attempt to reduce ignorance and enlighten you, which will make the night more enjoyable for everyone. Most disabled people are quite capable of stating what they want but verbal communication is not always easy at an event where people may be crushed together in a noisy environment at different heights, with some getting carried away. Hearing and speech impairments make it even more difficult. Disabled people may require your patience.
Blind and visually impaired people are at a real disadvantage at events like this – they cannot see when someone is winking at them. We provide tactile pleasures to make up for the fact they cannot enjoy the spectacle of the night.
More Notes for Disabled Guests If you need to bring a PA to help you eating, drinking and using the loo, please ask to bring one free of charge. The volunteers cannot help you with these activities. If you have specific requirements, let us know in advance by post or e-mail, or else stop off at the Hospitality Desk to alert the hosts/ hostesses and stewards to your needs. Stewards have been trained to help disabled guests but we prefer to be informed in advance so we can maximise our assistance. If you ever experience any difficulties with other guests, staff or security, please indicate this assertively to the stewards, who have been trained to deal with attitude problems. We try to cater for people with sensory impairments, but it can be difficult to accommodate all needs in all formats unless we have prior requests. We feel strongly that disabled guests should have all the support we can offer to ensure you are not left out. Please let the stewards or door staff know if you are experiencing difficulties of any kind.
Awareness Some guests may never, or have rarely had the opportunity to socialise with people with disabilities. Hopefully, this joyful environment will provide a good starting point.
Just like everyone else, disabled people wish to be treated with respect and understanding – not pity or brazen curiosity.
Just like any individual, disabled people need their own space and consideration, and this may not be possible without your awareness. Listen and think before you make assumptions. Many disabilities are hidden. Someone may lack physical balance or articulate speech – don’t assume this person is drunk. Someone may look ‘fit’ but need to rest often – and so on. This event is one where guests are already being sensitive to each other’s needs and desires, just remember to be ultra cautious. If you realise you have blundered, apologise and have a chuckle over it, to make amends. You may already be aware of these things but just in case, wheelchair-users may need much more space than you would imagine to move and turn. Don’t assume that they can see your feet if you do not move aside to let them pass! Do not crowd or hem them in: this can be disorienting and threatening. The space above the person sitting in their wheelchair belongs to them, so do not pass things over their heads or speak to others across this space. Never speak to the chair user via the person pushing the chair. Here are a few things that people with physical disabilities and disfigurement are often confronted with when out socialising, as a result of prejudice and embarrassment:-
People stare You may have not seen disabled people enjoying an erotic environment before, but staring, as always in Britain, is considered rude. You too would hate to be faced with blank open-mouthed gaping when you are trying to have fun.
People shun When you meet disabled people, relate to them as people and be relaxed about their disabilities – it is merely one aspect of what it means to be a human being. People may feel afraid of getting sexually and/or emotionally involved with disabled people, presuming that an expression of sexual desire will render them ‘lumbered’. This is bollocks! Disabled people are as picky and discriminating as everyone else, probably more so, as they cannot risk being vulnerable to unreliable and dishonest people. You may find others become judgemental if they see you with a disabled person. Fuck ‘em. Fearful people may get confused and worry that, if they show their true affection or lust they will be considered exploitative. Don’t worry. Allow the person with the disability to make up their own mind. Disabled people and non-disabled people have always formed friendships and sexual relationships. If you see disability as a block to forming relationships, you are yourself “disabled” by society’s obsession with outward beauty. Together with the people in Outsiders, we at the Night of the Senses and the Erotic Awards do what we can to break down the prejudices that surround disability and sexuality. Outsiders is 31 years old this year, and thanks to campaigning and all the spin-offs from what we and many other organisations do, attitudes are improving.
People ask personal questions You would not like strangers asking you highly personal and ften banal questions, as if you are a worn-out tourist attraction or museum exhibit. This is what commonly happens to disabled people when they are out and about. Please don’t bore or insult disabled people by asking them ‘what’s wrong with them’, whether or not they can feel anything ‘down there’, or whether they can ‘do it’. Such questions are disrespectful and inappropriate. When they get the chance, disabled people experience and satisfy their sexual selves in a myriad of wildly imaginative ways! Being used to asking nicely for what they want, disabled people tend to make better lovers than more “able” people who don’t feel they need to ask or discuss!
People assume they can be intimate One of the most disturbing challenges disabled people encounter is that they get smothered with unwanted affection, kissing and touching or otherwise invading their space. It is an unwelcome kind of compensation for the guilt and fears society has about disability, and expresses the embarrassment an individual may have when meeting a disabled person. Whatever the reasons, it is offensive and highly unpleasant to be on the receiving end. So please, never do it.
Offering Assistance If you see a disabled person who looks stuck, do politely ask them what they need. If they want help with directions, walking or moving along, try to ask a steward — as they have been trained. If none are around and, for whatever reason, a wheelchair needs lifting, make sure you have enough people to help: one at the back, one each side. balancing equally, and one in front. Only lift by the parts the disabled person tells you can be used. Wheelchairs were not made to be lifted and come apart very easily. The person may wish to be bumped up or down steps rather than lifted straight up and down. It is very scary being lifted by strangers, so do exactly as they ask. If you see a disabled person stuck in a crush of people, ask the people in front on them to move aside. If they are not able to grab the attention of a bar person, offer to act as a go-between. We hope that reading this section makes you feel more confident about mixing with disabled people at the Ball – and elsewhere.
Girlies
While we are on the subject of people being good at asking for they want and taking control over their sexuality, it might be helpful here to discuss the that old fashioned notion of the compliant partner, which is still prevalent today. Feminist politics has warned women not to allow themselves to be treated like sex objects, and men must respect their bodies and give them orgasms. Demands don’t really work in sex, especially if you are lying there telling men what to do! What most women have since learned is to ask! At the end of the day, it is up to each and every one of us to take responsibility for our own pleasure, come to terms with our own fantasies (and expand on them) and communicate our sexual needs. Relying on your partner to understand or even decide what you want and provide it, is passive, and being passive is always less fun. Yet, going along with what your partner wants in the hope that you get a bit of fun in the process, is something that many people still do. It is saddening to watch one partner (usually the men, but not always) control their (non-S/M) scene, with their partner going along with their fantasy, without pleasure for themselves or mutual consideration. We really want both of you to have an equally wonderful and empowering time. If power imbalance is your thing, please plant it into a fantasy life and take it happily into the dungeon.
Gay, Bi,Trans & Intersex
LGBTI (lesbian, gay, bi, transgendered and intersex) people come to our events for many different reasons. Although there are plenty of your hot gay and tranny sex clubs, the Ball offers a wider potential and diversity. Some say that the commercial clubs are cold and mechanical and love the friendliness and warmth at the Night of the Senses. Many bisexuals feel out of place in both gay and straight clubs. Some people want to do certain specific things only with their own gender and we are supplying booths for just that. We hope we provide good spaces and opportunities for you all to play in whatever way you wish. Some side-shows offer the opportunity to play with people of both genders without being really sure which is which. For example, the Grope Box allows the people inside to enjoy being touched by the fingers of total strangers of indeterminate gender, and vice versa. This can open your mind to anonymous sensuality, and you can fantasise about the people touching you. The dark room is for people to experience a totally different, non-visual, sensual experience, sometimes irrespective of gender.
Pretty trannies wearing feminine attire are popular with certain men – others find them a rude surprise. The trend right now is for gender-play and experimentation, which does not include playing tricks on people who are not into it. This is intrusive and predatory. We aim to create as little offence as we possibly can and hope that everyone will be mutually tolerant.
Message to gay men: If a man shows no interest when you cruise him, do not persist. Some men may be hoping to have their first gay or bisexual experience, but be sensitive to the fact that this is probably a very big step for them and if you are genuinely interested, you may have to take things a little more slowly than you would in other situations (maybe even talk to them about it first or give them the opportunity to do so). Some guests may be experimenting with bisexuality while others are quite sure of it and will be flaunting it on the night. Do not assume that women together are hoping to be picked up by men. They may be quite happy, enjoying each other. Women often play together to turn themselves and their male partners on, without any desire to form lesbian relationships. Less common with men, but it happens. This is a night where anonymous fingers, loving arms and a zillion fantasies blend with respect for personal preferences, love, lifestyle and commitment. Thankfully, this is a private space where you can try more than you might attempt at the local rave or village dance.
Rooms, Sideshows & Services – Recently, guests have told us that it’s sometimes unclear how much of it they can join in, and how much is a show by “experts”. Well there are two shows, and the rest of the Ball is a theatrical installation in which you to join in, so long as you’re not intruding on other guests’ action. If you don’t feel able to push yourself forward, just ask.
Sharing
Offering your partner freedom It is generous (if scary for the first time) to discuss with each other how free you are to do as you please with other people. Try to reach an agreement in advance of the event so you know where you are. Discuss your hopes and fears, state your own boundaries of what you think you can cope with and stick to what you agree on. A strong relationship thrives on adventure, so don’t worry that this might be the beginning of the end. It will probably be the beginning of much more hot sex between you!
Sharing adventures If your dreams are to enjoy sexual sharing together, then try little flirtations to begin with and take things step-by-step. Have little signs which you can use to assure each other that you are happy about what is going on or indicate you are not happy.
If one of you is unhappy, it’s best to stop, discuss what to do next and reach a compromise.
Communication in groups Communication between strangers in a group situation should ideally be verbal. Be aware and sensitive to all participants, so that you harmonise. If you want to squeeze people out or invite people in, do so nicely with a smile. At a big event like this, sorry, you will always find people not to your taste.
Jealousy Fantasising about having new partners in a party environment is one thing, but in reality, jealousy may rear its ugly head. In order to minimise this possibility, talk things through together in advance. Most importantly, reassure each other of your love and devotion. State your limits, discuss what you think you might like and what might freak you out. Discuss your vulnerabilities and insecurities and the worst case scenario for you. Remember it’s not the end of the world if things go wrong — single people have bummer nights, and couples do too!
What is Jealousy? Jealousy is not a sign of immaturity or weakness. The most seasoned players can quite unexpectedly feel agonising pangs. It is important to be in touch with your emotions and deal with them rather than to try to be “above it all” and repress them. The “responsible non-monogamist” way to deal with jealousy is to listen to and respect the part of you which feels jealous, without mistaking it for your whole self. Follow your jealous self deep inside, where you will find your darkest secrets. Another way of getting on top of jealousy is to redefine it as an emotion you can readily accept, such as insecurity, feeling rejected or upset that they seem to be having more fun than you, then you can then rationalise the situation. You know your partner loves you (or whatever), so there is no need to feel insecure. They are experimenting, not rejecting you, and of course they are having more fun than you as they have only just met someone they fancy and you are standing there like a saddo. They may even be doing things that they have refused to do with you, just to rub your nose in the ointment. Quite normal! But think what hot sex you will enjoy together later, perhaps with new things on the menu! If feelings of jealousy are overwhelming, seek the comfort of a steward or host/hostess. If the worst comes to the worst, go for a puke or a weep in the toilets, or venture to the Tea & Empathy Tent where they will be totally supportive.
Fetishes: Come & Express Yours!
Everyone should feel free to indulge in whatever fetish they have, so long as it does not involve non-consensual sex. We have always given a corner (or more) to anyone who has a fetish and wants to explore it in public for the first time. We have had a Balloon-Popping Room, a space for Adult Babies, Cowl Neck Jumpers and other Ordinary Fetishes, Foot Kissing stalls and Dancers who Trample on top of Trampling Fetishists. As a fetish becomes better accepted, those corners are replaced with new fetishists as individuals dare to come out (often from their Internet sites and into reality). If you would like a corner, write/e-mail ahead so that arrangements can be made. Fussy guests have complained about our events having hand-written signs. Please understand that some fetishists pay their ticket money, come and establish their own space with their own home-made signs, and invite people to indulge if they want to and, frankly, more power to them! It is called taking control over your own desires! If you want us to make a special sign in advance, of course we will.
Getting Along with Everyone Else
Getting off on the spectacle If you see people getting passionate, by all means enjoy watching, but never crowd in on them, nor do anything to cramp their style. Not only is it rude, but it will stop them in their tracks and ruin the situation for everybody. People can’t enjoy themselves if there’s a wall of eye-wide faces about to cave in on them. If crowding becomes dangerous, please find a steward. This applies to affectionate embraces and whipping or other S/M scenes. Players need their space so keep your distance.
Laughter: with, not at Please respect other guests, however strange their sexual indulgences might seem to you. Most of the people who have sexual tastes that are not generally accepted in society have a great sense of humour but it is important that you laugh with them and not at them. Here are some of the various pleasures you may encounter: adult babies in nappies sucking on dummies; people lying down hoping to be trampled; people encased in rubber; fetishists displaying their furs, people acting submissive to their partners; people bound up; people showing off; people experimenting with gender blurring and homosexuality; people dressed in their fetish clothing or objects which might be anything at all. If you get laughed at, point the giggling prat out to a steward.
Fun: ask and chat Months of preparation has had our volunteers busy in order for you to enjoy the night and so we ask that you tell the stewards if you find that things bother or annoy you. This might be anything from music being too loud or too soft, you feeling too hot, cold, isolated, lost or bewildered, or even that one lot of people gets preferential treatment over another lot. If you belong to one of the categories which is in less demand, like submissive males, try to find ways of offering pleasure and seducing people ingeniously, without appearing predatory.
What to do if someone intrudes on you Whether they’re being sexually pushy, intruding on your space or trying to sell you drugs, we would appreciate you telling a steward. Please do so immediately rather than leave it a couple of weeks to complain. Stewards can be recognised by their silver sashes. There should be at least two stewards in every room. Relate to the steward what happened and if possible, identify the culprit. Don’t worry about being a tell-tale, as this is an issue of education. Our stewards are trained to listen to what the other person has to say and explain how to behave in a more acceptable manner. If they annoy you again don’t give up. Report their repeated bad behaviour and be assured that the troublesome person/s will be removed from the event by the security staff. Not complaining leaves others in danger, and prevents people relaxing and having a good time. If you want a safe space in which to play, venture into the sex and dungeon spaces, which are enclosed and carefully monitored.
Consent: no means no If you are brought along by someone who expects you to do more than feels comfortable, say no. Enjoy only the things that appeal to you. Obviously, you might feel very excited if you find yourself in the arms of someone gorgeous who is being swept along by the situation. It might be extremely disappointing if they then tell you to stop, but everything must be mutual. Equally, however provocatively someone dresses and behaves, you do not have permission to touch unless invited. At any stage of any interaction you may be asked to stop and you must be ready to obey – even in the middle of something which feels really nice to you. This applies to women as well as men. Women sometimes assume they have the right to play around without seeking consent first (even if just to prove to their partners they can!) which can be disruptive. People who come to the event from out of London may feel less inhibited than in their home town, and start doing things they wouldn’t normally do. This can be fun so long as you stay in control of yourself and are mindful of being considerate to others. Think about your responsibility to yourself and use your common sense, and never be afraid to say “no” if you find yourself getting deeper into a scene than feels comfortable, or worry you are taking health risks. Self respect and respect from others comes from being in charge of your own destiny, so never take part in sexual acts just to keep other people happy. On the other hand, if making someone happy makes you feel good, so be it! The Night of the Senses is, for some people, the first place they have been to where they have felt able to say “yes” to the things they previously only dreamed of. The rest of us should make that experience as wonderful as possible.
BDSM
What is BDSM? BDSM is the consensual domination of a submissive. It may take many forms, from threats and humiliation to bondage and whipping. Many people find it erotic and some even find that the pain inflicted feels highly pleasurable. S/M works well in a social environment as voyeurism and exhibitionism usually amplifies the sexual high. Even guests from the fetish scene may be inexperienced in BDSM and it is not sensible to mess around at an event such as this without experience, especially using whips or implements which could damage the other partner/s. BDSM requires the mutual consent of all participants, and a safe word and sign, which mean the action really MUST stop NOW. BDSM may involve mind-games, role play, dominance and submission and mild or heavy corporal punishment, with the use of a huge variety of devices. In BDSM the dominant, or dom may also be called the top and the submissive or sub may be called the bottom. These may be of either gender and one of the great things about BDSM is that gender often becomes irrelevant. Some doms will lend their subs out at parties but never attempt to dominate someone else’s sub without the permission of their dom.
The Dungeon Our dungeon supplies their own Dungeon Masters – DMs — good-will ambassadors for the BDSM community who will happily explain safe BDSM practices. They also keep a watchful eye on your health and safety. If the dungeon gets crowded, they may create a temporary space around any dom who is wielding a whip or cane. Please introduce yourselves to safety DMs who will happily advise you and help to ensure your safety when you enter the dungeon. The bottom must be able to stop the activity at any time, which means there must be mutual trust before starting an BDSM session, and verbal communication should be possible and not drowned out by music or chatter. If you can’t hear, ask the person repeat what they said. Proceed carefully with new partners. It is considered bad manners to push into a safe space while a scene is happening, as you place yourself and others at risk of accidental injury. Please listen to the DMs and learn from their advice – they are there to make sure everyone has a good time.
BDSM Experiences The body naturally produces substances to counteract pain, which also influence your consciousness. This is part of the aim of BDSM and when this happens, the bottom may no longer respond rationally to the top, which is another challenge to the top. He or she must be able to judge the bottom’s limits correctly and must accept increased responsibility for preventing risks. Alcohol and drugs may alter your perception of what is safe. Psychedelics will heighten awareness but may make you want to experience more pain that normal, so beware. Never take pain-killers or opiates such as heroin before playing as a bottom in BDSM. Avoiding using thin whips or canes which are more likely to break the skin. If bleeding does occur, take care not to let sperm enter the wound, or the blood enter anyone else’s bloodstream via cuts or mucus membranes.
Bondage provides the sensation of physical immobility, a state of mental dependence and helplessness. The active partner has absolute control over the bound partner and can do what they want with them – a power dynamic which consenting adults tend to find really appealing. Bondage must never be too tight or for too long a period. Experts know which knots are best for rope and where to place them. Knots should never be placed near the eyes or other vulnerable parts. Care should be taken when using suspension to ensure the hooks can really carry the weight. Breathing should never be inhibited in an environment such as the Night of the Senses, especially when gags are used. Always keep a spare set of keys for handcuffs in a place where you will definitely be able to find them quickly.
Nipple clamps should not be applied for too long or they may break the skin. They should not be shared. Special care needs to be taken if the nipples are pierced.
Wax/cigarettes/matches Often these are used more as a dramatic gesture than for causing physical pain. Use non- beeswax candles and hold them a good distance from the skin so that the wax has cooled by the time it lands. Lighted cigarettes, cigars and matches should never touch the skin directly. The risk of catching or spreading HIV and Hepatitis infection is the same for burns as wounds.
The Reputation of BDSM As a rule, people who enjoy BDSM are responsible, sexually sophisticated players, yet they are still misunderstood, discriminated against and ridiculed by society, the media and authorities. BDSM needs to be recognised as a legitimate sexual activity, so that BDSMers no longer need to be secretive, out of fear of losing their jobs or even their children. The Spanner Trust, Backlash BDSM Rights, CAAN and other pressure groups are continuously campaigning to get politicians to recognise BDSM so that there can be a change in the law and BDSMers will no longer live in fear of being criminalised. Sadly, last year year, a new law was passed, as part of the Criminal Justice and Immigration Act, making the downloading and possession of extreme pornography illegal. This is despite the fact that politicians knew that there was no proof that such porn does any damage. To present BDSM in a positive light, BDMSers need to behave in an ultra responsible fashion. Please learn everything you possibly can before you start playing for real.
If you want to read up on the subject, you couldn’t do better than a book called Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns – the romance and sexual sorcery of sadomasochism by Philip Miller and Molly Devon (Mystic Rose Books, PO Box 1036/SMS, Fairfield, Connecticut 06432, USA). This book has sections for single people and couples, as well as an excellent chapter about playing at parties, which offers the following advice: “Playing in public is a type of “theatre”. The players have two audiences. The primary audience is always your partner. If you lose sight of that and become too aware of the secondary audience it will ruin your performance. Concentrate on what you are doing rather than the reactions and judgements of the people viewing. All too often the dominant who forgets this makes some horrible mistake and ends up looking like a sap.”
Even if you are not into S/M we know many guests enjoy watching the action at the Night of the Senses. Our dungeons have barriers to keep onlookers at a good distance so they don’t get in the way. If you watch a whipping or flogging elsewhere, be absolutely sure not to crowd in – or you may get injured.
Safety
We all need to manage our sexual health in the same way we manage other aspects of our health, like eyes and teeth, by looking after ourselves and having regular check-ups. Understanding STIs helps us make informed choices about risks. If you remember the simple guidelines, you will be able to indulge your fantasies whilst minimising chances of acquiring or passing on STIs. There has been a huge increase in STIs, the most common ones not having immediate symptoms. On the night, stewards will be on the lookout for anyone being reckless – such as having unprotected sex with lots of different people. Tell a steward if you see this happening. STIs are spread when bodily fluids – vaginal juices, come, pre-come, or blood enter someone else’s body. Condoms act as a barrier to stop this happening. But a condom won’t protect you from everything, so here are some guidelines on safer sex:
PEP if you have an accident and fear you may have been exposed to HIV, there is now a course of treatment which can be given to you by your GP. To speak to someone in person, call THT Direct on 0845 12 21 200 for more information on PEP and where to get it.
Testing Sexually active people should get tested on a regular basis. Either visit your local sexual health clinic, often known as STI, GU or GUM clinic, or visit an online personal testing service such as www.DrThom.com to order postal tests for the most common STIs. Some clinics require no appointment, eg the GUM clinic at St Mary’s Hospital (Jefferiss Wing) Praed Street, London, W2 1NY Telephone 020 7886 1697, wheelchair accessible, quick and anonymous.
Other Health & Safety Tips
Alcohol Obviously it’s not good to get drunk especially if you tend to get aggressive when pissed. Some Night of the Senses guests complain about the price of drinks at the bar, but please understand that this is the way that the nightclub makes their money, rather than take an extortionate sum from us. So please bear with it. At least the bars here are of an excellent standard.
Drugs Lots of people take drugs in order to enhance their night at clubs, although this is less common at our event. We are contractually not allowed to condone it. Here are some of the basic health issues. Lots of drugs make you feel nauseous or panicky in an enclosed environment such as a night club. They may make you want to dance but might make you pushy or incomprehensible. Do not share snorting tubes and avoid snorting through rolled up bank notes as they may be infected with a hepatitis virus. Over 99% of bank notes in London have been shown to contain traces of cocaine, indicating that they’ve been up someone’s hooter! Not very hygienic. Beware that cocaine can make you want to drink more than you might otherwise do. Never share needles with anybody else – only use fresh ones. Ecstasy and other chemical drugs are less healthy and more dangerous to your health than natural substances like cannabis, cocaine and magic mushrooms.
What if you feel bad? Mostly people feel really comfortable at our events and we want to ensure nobody feels bad. Here are some things which might help. Erotic imagery may occasionally bring out deep-seated anguish or insecurities. Rather than get sad, angry, bolshy or vindictive, have a chat with steward or host/hostess and they will do everything they can to help you through it. If you have too much to drink or are having an unpleasant reaction to drugs, do go to Tea & Empathy or ask a steward to take you somewhere quiet where you can calm down and help you understand what is happening to you. If you get upset by the way your partner or friends are behaving, chat with a steward or host/hostess who might help you see things in perspective or talk to them on your behalf. If you can’t feel comfortable, even at Tea & Empathy, our stewards will help you to the exit and into a taxi, so you can go home. We really hope that you will come back next year and enjoy yourself next time.
Legalities
Having sex As members of our club, guests pledge to abide by the guidelines of this booklet, and you may be as sexy as you like at our event so long as it’s not against the law. Just make sure that you only play with people who have consented.
Touching without permission Not only is it bad manners to touch someone without their permission, it is also illegal and you could be convicted of Common Assault. In addition, if you touch someone in a sexual way, such as groping, patting bottoms or grabbing tits, you could be convicted of Indecent Assault.
Drugs At this event, we are legally obliged to forbid guests to take recreational drugs, other than alcohol and tobacco.
BDSM It is inadvisable in a large club to break the skin through whipping or body piercing and never do anything life-threatening.
Selling sex All kinds of saucy favours are sold for charity but we do not condone the selling of sex by guests for their own personal gain and it is illegal for us to allow soliciting. Indeed, this is not an appropriate place for guests to promote commercial sex services.
Spread the Word
Don’t be afraid to rave about this night to your friends, both in person and on your blog and online social networking. The world is never going to become a more liberal place if you keep all that pleasure to yourself. We are not allowed to advertise so your help is really important to us. We produce leaflets for our events and can happily send you a bundle to hand out to friends or place in your local lingerie or erotic store. We can also send you banners and publicity e-mails which you can forward on to your friends. You could put news of our event up on your favourite swing or fetish site. The more nice people who hear about us, the more money we raise for the charity.
Making History
The Night of the Senses took over from the Sex Maniac’s Ball in 2004. It has been described on the Eros Website as “Probably the best erotic club in the world.” Erotic parties are currently enjoying freedom but have too often been forbidden. From Victorian times until recently, they were prosecuted under the 1751 Disorderly Houses Acts “to prevent the lower sort of people engaging in riotous pleasure”. The 1996 Sex Maniacs Ball was stopped under the threat of this archaic law, and the Sexual Freedom Coalition was formed as a protest. The SFC continues to campaign for the sexual freedom of consenting adults – see www.sfc.org.uk. We are like one big happy family. Join us. We said earlier that guests often ask about similar clubs they can go to rather then wait a year for the next Night of the Senses and always the answer was “none”. But now new smaller non-commercial clubs are beginning to blossom, notably Kinky Salon and Club Rub. Sexy clubs are opening in in even small villages around the country. Still nothing really quite like the Night of the Senses, so you have to wait another year!
Outsiders
Outsiders is the charity which The Night of the Senses and The Erotic Awards finance. Outsiders is a national (and international) self help group for people isolated by physical and social disabilities, where they gain confidence and find friends and partners. Since its formation in 1979, it has been run by volunteers, including its founder, Dr Tuppy Owens. In 2009 we celebrated the 30th Anniversary.
We aim to raise enough money to keep Outsiders growing from strength to strength, as our expertise becomes more widely known, and funding from other sources becomes more and more difficult. Outsiders has around 500 members. They really appreciate belonging to a club where they feel safe and their disability is accepted and everyone can relax and be themselves. We offer support in asserting the right to a private life, and seeking love in a society where status normally stems from good looks and money. Some people find love straight away, but for others it is a long journey. We hold unthreatening events where members can practice socialising. Members’ difficulties and ways round them are published in our book Practical Suggestions, free to members, available to the public at £15 including p&p.
Some of the most amazing relationships have been formed. One of our members proclaimed, “Disabled people make the best lovers because we know how to ask nicely, and we’re good at overcoming obstacles and dealing with sticky situations. “
Outsiders also runs the Sex and Disability Helpline, open weekdays 11am to 7pm, answered by Dr Tuppy Owens on a voluntary basis. Disabled people and health professionals are delighted to at last find someone who takes sexual problems of disabled people seriously.
Outsiders runs the Sexual Health and Disability Alliance which has become enormously popular with health professionals. It is initiating a project to persuade the big wigs in all the disability agencies, occupational therapy and medical profession, to support their workers in acknowledging disabled people’s sexuality, and offer support. In November 2009 SHADA put on a highly successful conference on sex and disability with the Royal Society of Medicine.
Outsiders holds sex workshops for disabled men at the regular London lunch, and have a V-Group for disabled women who have sexual problems and need support. There is no club like Outsiders anywhere else in the entire world. You would think our government would be proud of this fact but sadly not. Lord Faulkner wrote to us to say, “You will have seen that I quoted your earlier email to me in the House of Lords debate. I have a great deal of sympathy for the point of view you are expressing on this issue.” With all our unique expertise, you would think that the UK, the 4th richest country in the world, might find a way to fund us generously but we still rely on our disabled members’ members donations, small grants, plus this event to survive.
We hope this helps you realise how important this event is. If you think you could help us in any way, by volunteering as an experienced Trustee, fund-raiser or helping promote the Night of the Senses, please step forward. Sponsorship is welcome!
The Outsiders Trust is registered charity, number 283350.
Published by The Leydig Trust BCM Box Lovely,
London WC1N 3XX 0707 499 0808
The Night of the Senses www.nightofthesenses.com
The Erotic Awards www.erotic-awards.co.uk
Information about Outsiders (for Donations, Offers of Help, Membership and Associate Membership) telephone 020 7354 8291 e-mail info@outsiders.org.uk website www.outsiders.org.uk
Sexual Health and Disability Alliance www.shada.org.uk
Sex and Disability Helpline 0707 499 3527 sexdis@outsiders.org.uk
TLC: www.tlc-trust.org.uk Website for disabled men and women
to find responsible sex workers
Sexual Freedom Coalition www.sfc.org.uk
Little Book of Delights
@anti-copyright 2011
Please feel free to copy, redistribute or use extracts
Eleventh Edition written and compiled
by Dr Tuppy Owens
Enjoyment & Respect
You are about to enter a unique and very special place. There are many, many different activities, and a beautiful, warm atmosphere.
This booklet is for both new visitors and old friends in search of a playful, open, respectful – and incredible – night.
For even more advice and helpful information on the Night's activities and how to enjoy them, download the extensive, in-depth "LITTLE BOOK OF DELIGHTS" at www.nightofthesenses.com
The Night of the Senses
This Ball is the main fund raising event for The Outsiders charity. Enjoyed for 25 years, we dream up new ways of encouraging people to explore sexual pleasure, without feeling threatened, pressurised or uncomfortable.
With the invaluable support of many volunteers, donations and loans of props and equipment, we create a fantastic event, with many attractions, treats, side-shows and fun things to do, including the Finals of the Erotic Awards, as well as raise crucial funds.
Etiquette
• "No" means "No". Never touch without asking first, or being invited to.
• Never feel pressurised to do anything you don't feel like doing – it's OK to stand and smile.
• Leave your camera and phone in the cloakroom – they will be confiscated if we see you using them.
• Safer sex only unless with your partner.
• Tell a Steward if someone is behaving disrespectfully immediately – don't wait till they have wandered off, or till the next day.
Dress Code
We ask you to come in outfits that are horsey, Ascot, cowboy, or just plain wild. Or be colourful, floaty, creative and sexy. Think of a fantasy persona, and create something to become it!
If you need help, we provide a Dressing Up Shoppe and changing room.
Remember: no swastikas or racist symbols at this event.
Dressing up makes people behave with more decorum, and feel more beautiful. And it can be tribal, ancient and primal, like sex itself.
Drinks and Donations
Whatever your outfit, ensure you have somewhere safe to keep your cash for:
• spending at the various sex-fun-fare stalls, peep shows, and pleasure palaces (maybe a £1 donation, or maybe more!)
• drinks at the bar and/or dinner
• for your journey home.
Bring a little extra so you can be generous.
If there are no pockets in your outfit, you could clip a money bag to it, securely concealed.
Bodies
One of the things that makes this event different to others is that we welcome people who have disabilities.
It's great to be at a charity event where some of the people who will benefit from the funds raised are actually there.
We feel proud that disabled people know they can enjoy erotic adventures alongside everyone else without being stigmatised or rejected.
In order to make this a reality, we want to be sure all guests behave respectfully.
Mixing with Disabled Guests
• Treat disabled guests like everyone else.
• Smile, don't stare.
• Engage in conversation without asking probing personal questions.
• Respect the space above a wheelchair user's head, and that wheelchair users do not like being trapped in a crush of people, or have their view of the stage blocked.
• Ask! Don't make assumptions. Some people with cerebral palsy may be wobbly, not drunk. Or if a disabled person looks stuck, ask before trying to help.
Coming Alone
Both men and women may come along alone because it's the only place where they can really be themselves and maybe none of their friends would accept this aspect of them.
In order to enjoy the company of others, ensure your aura is generous rather than needy.
Offer to help people rather than expect instant flirtation.
Never be pushy or follow people. Learn how to walk away.
Explore your own potential, and enjoy the night!
Coming as a Couple
Seasoned swingers may have already worked out their boundaries and ways to enjoy erotic parties. Others may not have dared discuss the possibility of watching their partner being admired by another, or more. Try to be honest with each other, preferably in advance – say what you might like, and what you would not be able to cope with.
Check with your partner frequently throughout the night that you are both happy with the way things are going.
Offering your partner freedom is an act of generosity that can bring you closer together.
Jealousy
You never know when jealousy will rear its ugly head, but we find that the environment we provide makes people feel very safe to try new things and watch their partner having fun.
Take things one step at a time, and keep reassuring each other of your love and respect for each other.
You can always talk about your worries to our Hosts and Hostesses who are there for your physical and emotional comfort. If you cannot find your partner, or a Host, the Hospitality Desk is situated just inside the Gallery.
Safety
We insist on safer sex except between established partners. This means:-
• Wash all toys before you share them with another person
• No exchange of bodily fluids
• Use condoms and dental dams for intercourse and oral sex
Safety is also essential for all S&M play. Dungeon masters will give advice, and guide you. If you are new to this, please ask. We want to provide a safe place to learn.
If you find yourself unable to cope, head for the Tea and Sympathy Tent!
Photography
Our Garden-of-the-Senses Photo Booth is run by a trustworthy volunteer who will send you the images by email and won't pass them to anyone else if you don't want him to.
We do like having lots of fabulous images for our website and publicity. We thank those guests who allow us this privilege.
Roaming official photographers wear red sashes. They should ask you first, but if you do not want to be, say no thanks. If you are photographed by a guest or someone else, call a Steward or Host, as this is forbidden.
Outsiders
Outsiders is grateful to you for supporting them by coming along to their fund-raiser.
Outsiders is now in its 31st year, and is still the only social network of disabled people where romance and love are actively encouraged. People with physical and social disabilities often struggle to enjoy a sex life, because they fear rejection and have low self esteem. Other people are embarrassed to fix them up on dates, so Outsiders is an important lifeline for many.
If you know any disabled people who are single, lonesome, unloved and frustrated, do point them to Outsiders.
www.outsiders.org.uk